Relationships

I learned something new about myself this week. And it seems like self discovery at this stage should have all but been over with, but it turns out there are still some secrets my old psyche has yet to reveal. In a circle of men, some young, some older, all different races and backgrounds we were having a group discussion about our greatest common bond, women. Warning ladies: I do my very best to give you true perspectives without being a douche, so take these words for what they are. I’m not speaking about any particular person or people; I’m just relaying the billet points from a circle of tough guys talking.

So the conversation started because a young brother made a comment about a woman on TV. It was all sex and slander. “Man, I bet she got a…..” or “Damn look at that…..” which drew some support and hell yeahs from everybody within earshot. Nobody knew this chick by name or hadn't ever seen her in other programs. But all the chatter spoke to this chicks sexual practices, proclivities, preferences, and possible favorite positions; crudely descriptive details about her undies and the girly parts beneath.

I listened with an uneasy pause in my veins. Anyone that knows me knows my…..eh…..hem….. appreciation for the ladies. But it turns out; listening to the crass commentary I discovered my appreciation for the fairer sex goes deeper than the physical. Don’t get me wrong the act of intermingling intimately is amazing. There hasn't, in the history of time, been an invention more awesome than the magic of bodies mashing. The complexities of the space shuttle don’t compare to the simplicity of the way we fit together. Hands down, it’s the best puzzle ever made of all times. But mechanics aside, my absolute best crushes or more to the point, actual experiences have been the ones where I was able to feel more than the moment, when I felt as much pleasure in my head + hurt as did with my other muscle.

But that didn't happen because I saw a phat ass at the club or managed to crack the code on some random new chick. The experiences that play in my thoughts and wake me up from a dead sleep are the ones where we connected in a way that’s deeper than anatomy coming together. You feel me? Where a conversation earlier in the day, or a glance at home or at work belayed naughty intentions; when the distance between lovers made desire dominant and anticipation intolerable. The experiences didn't happen with girls whose names I can’t remember, they came with the ones I got the closest to.

So back to the conversation. We all begin to bat around who was the hottest chick because videos were on. (Sidebar: Beyonce in the Drunk in Love video…WOW! No really WOW WOW! If I do say so myself, if I do say so myself). That turned into a discussion over women’s other attributes. Not just the physical but some of the other stuff: Honesty, loyalty, intelligence, ambition, nurturing, self respect, money handling; All very important pieces of the puzzle. So I concluded while the sexy sway of curvy hips or the beautiful bounce of the breasts or a bubble backside catches our attention initially. Sex without the rest is little more than mechanics, and nothing about robot sex sounds hot (Sorry sci-fi folks). I’m actually surprised “ability to cook” didn't come up immediately in the conversation, because bomb sex and a phat plate of delicious eats are the girlfriend holy grail in my book. But that’s just my inner phat kid talking.

So ladies it all started with gutter remarks and crass cocktails but in the end, the way men in this circle collectively feel is bravo and braggadocious until the greatness of your true worth comes to the surface. We love, respect and desire you. And even during guy talk we can’t help but admit it.

R. Venner