What's real?

What makes the real you appear? Many folks are quick to say I'm always real, or this is the real me, but I beg to differ. We wear more shades than the Sunglass Hut, more hats than the Lids store, more skins than the new Droid X, and try on new looks like the senior class reunion was right around the corner.

In today's America its a rare occasion that we are able to see the true stripes of the people around us. Your girlfriend watches her food intake or wont spend the night to keep the no bathroom lie in tact. Your boyfriend hasn't invited you to his place because then he'd have to introduce you to his wife and kids, or his keys only open car doors in which case the last time you were rolling around the lack seat you were also getting the grand tour of his living room.

I was a hero by accident one time. My friend Fire Pie fell in Lake Tahoe whole we were both rolling on pretty pink pills. I jumped over rocks and puller her out of the beautiful blue water before the tide pulled her away for good. But I've also had moments of shame so crippling its changed my actions and even inspired me to renew pledges to God or in really crummy situations, mainly over losses, where I couldn't scream and being angry would only get me in more trouble. So I pulled out  a pen and some paper and found a glimmer of light. No matter how odd the angle or how uncomfortable a position I'd have to put my big body in, and I'd write to ease the pain of that loss.

I lost again tonight. I lost the smile I brandish when people ask me how I;m doing. I lost the bounce in my step, I lost the euphoria I usually am so proud to show off. Because there is snow on the ground, carols on the radio, presents under the tree, and all the people I love and might love me, might as well be a million miles away. I cant get to them, I can call but phone calls end, and I wont be sad forever, but in this moment I'm sick.

The list is infinite of who I miss and where I'd love to be. But instead of going there let me say this. Don't take your family and friends for granted. Those fights and arguments, those quirks and bad food that drive you crazy are a pain now, but they can sometimes hurt worst when their gone.

R. Venner